Nesta Segunda-Feira a morte andou por aí. Como sempre, aliás; mas com Cossery e George Carlin suou as estopinhas. A morte não gosta de passar despercebida, só que com o primeiro deve ter recebido pouco mais ou menos que indiferença. Do encontro com George Carlin deve ter ficado a pensar na vida e a tentar controlar um sorriso - a morte é implacável mas tem sentido de humor.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter.
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
Religion is just mind control.
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.
When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
Religion convinced the world that there's an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there's 10 things he doesn't want you to do or else you'll go to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! ...And he needs money! He's all powerful, but he can't handle money!
This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen.
